outside a bar once called smalls

with my man charlie

1:30am. 20something fresh faced guy with frazzled hair walked outside a packed bar that had just announced last call.

he hugged a blonde, then a brunette. friendly like.

when he opened my door i had to yell CHARLIE because it was so loud out there. everyone was hopped up on booze and summer nights and full moon and et cetera probs

YEAH he yelled back. got in. shut the door.

have a good time in there? 

it was ok. 

just ok? were the pretty girls not pretty enough for ya

meh he hiccuped

oh sorry, were you looking for pretty boys? i asked. never know. 

he hiccuped again, and asked ever feel like you've seen enough? 

no, i said. kill yourself. 

charlie paused, then laughed his ass off. 

he was in the business. from austin. produced some pretty big music videos. i told him thank you, because im from the generation that grew up on those things and thats the best way to learn about new music.

he said it doesnt pay, and theres long hours. no one cares.

i was like, yeah but you’re learning. if making art was easy, youd be bored of that too.

art, he scoffed.

it was warm. surprisingly many hookers were out. most looked like moms in short dresses. some trying for eye contact. others pretending they were waiting for the bus. 

ever notice hookers dress less skanky than anyone on these streets? i asked charlie. who hadn’t until then.

ever get tempted by any of them? he asked as we were stopped at a light and a shockingly beautiful young latina shaked her barely covered bottom in our direction, energetically. 

what would i even do with her? i asked. she had sneakers and a mini dress. several shiny necklaces reflecting the street light above. both silver and gold. long tattoos crawling up her bare legs. red lipstick. a lot to take in. but i did appreciate her energy. and deep down i shared in her joy of being alive in this incredible part of town on a perfect night. 

free.

what do you mean what would you do with her? he asked. 

well im a weirdo. the only things i pay for are things either i want done quickly or things i cant figure out how to do.

so like, ive got this roomba, and also a ring doorbell. theyre sitting in open boxes because i dont know how to hook them up. if she could install those things, for sure id give her $100.

he laughed and said, you wouldnt want to do things with her your girlfriend, or, are you married? your wife - won’t do with you?

maybe i need to turn this uber around and get you back to that bar. it is saturday night in hollywood and those girls you hugged got dolled up for hours and are now full of overpriced booze. why would they say no to your little kinks?

charlie said, the line is you dont pay for them to come, you pay for them to leave.

i guess he really wanted this to be about hookers and not him, fine.

heres what id do if i had money for hookers, tonight. id get that big black mom over there, that short mom over there, those two skinny sad ones over there and you and id pay em all to dance in my living room for an hour.

and have you shoot it on your phone for a music video.

ahahahaha he laughed and hiccuped.

look, if youre gonna puke theres a barf bag in the thing in front of you, i said. 

im not gonna puke. he said, we turned down western with its hot dog vendors and taco tents lined with white twinkly lights.

he said i know what id do with her, referring probably to the dancing sneakers girl.

whats that? 

id have her tell me it’ll be ok.