stewardess i mean flight attendant to stewardess hotel

in the lbc

was she beautiful?

lets say it once and forever hold our piece: every person who steps into my car is supernaturally gorgeous.

im the hideous gargoyle with the intrusive questions. i should really wear a mask.

how i ended up near the long beach airport is none of your business but there i was when i got a Lyft Black ping which is gold. it means you get 2x-3x the fare for the same trip. this one was 20 minutes for $30.

thats a better offer than the ones i get to sell pics of my feet.

as i drove through the quaint little airport that looked out of a 1960s small town doris day movie, i was scanning for some rich lady with a tiny dog and a hatbox. who would want a Lyft Black from the LBC airport?

the answer surprised me too. she was a smokin hot delta flight attendant who was breaking all the rules. her bag seemed a little big for what i thought was kosher for an employee.

and also what was she doing summoning me?

from this time to 6pm, she said, in the most delightful accent, there are no shuttles to our hotel, so we are allowed to take lyft.

but Black? i wondered, and then stopped questioning blessings.

i typed a note into my iphone, though: be in long beach at 2pm whenever possible, and wait for a Black ping.

i hear an accent, i told her, Russian?

jajajajaja she laughed, puerto rican.

i was all ok lets see if i can name three puerto ricans

i bet you cant she sang applying lip gloss while looking at the smallest of compacts

jlo?

si.

ok then marc anthony!

very good.

look at me! ok one more. i think i know some baseball players but thats cheating lets stick to musica. Daddy Yankee!

she was all, how do you know about him?

i spied at my rear view mirror and adjusted it to see myself. do i have that many grays? i was dressed in a plaid short sleeve button up and striped shorts. do i like like someones dad?

i once dated a girl, i told her, who said she learned spanish by singing his songs.

ok yes you got it, what do you win?

if you think my mind is in the gutter, gentle reader, i assure you it is, and yet i said,

Delta gets to tip me a LOT for this ride!

we both laughed as we got on the 405 south.

i was in love. not just with her but with life. when you live in the moment, it’s moments like that that keeps you smiling. the best money per minute of the week. nice stranger to learn from, and so much traffic for no good reason that i wasnt even gonna fight it.

lets get lost in this traffic forever princessa

why dont the people of puerto rico want to be a US state i asked her

oh i dont know, she sighed watching her finger make a print on my tinted back window, they don’t trust anyone.

it would change america forever if we had a left-leaning new state i told her

you dont want us, she laughed. warning me of something. the price of rum to dip?

why wouldn’t anyone want an island of jlos

do you think i look like jlo she asked, judging me. she was less curvy than the singer actor dancer flygirl

you look like jlo if she was hungry, i said while moving the mirror to reflect her a little better, would you like for me to take you to in n out?

wow! would you?

id do anything for the person who is going to convince her neighbors to demand statehood.

PR is very corrupt, you dont even know, she laughed again.

miss san juan, im from chicago, trust me, i know corrupt. we could teach you some things.

the traffic opened up and i said, are we going to in n out for real or nah?

no, she said, i need to nap, my fiance comes in at 7.

please tell me his name is Ben, i said, and he’s a pilot.

jajajaja a baggage handler. Armando! she said and i was all but of course.

the funny thing about Long Beach in the middle of the day is you can drive 10 minutes in any direction and have a totally different experience.

in this case in 10 minutes we were at a hotel buzzing with stewardesses of all sorts, all dressed to match their airline, one hotter than the next. even the dudes were like models. it was like a Hollywood casting call.

tell me one thing: which puerto rican, if there was only one, could convince your beautiful island that US statehood is the way to go? is it jlo?

no. she said after thinking for a moment.

bad bunny, she concluded.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i agreed